The Phrases from My Father That Helped Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was simply just surviving for the first year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her main carer while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good spot. You need support. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a wider failure to open up amongst men, who often hold onto negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It's not a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a friend, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."